Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Let Go, Let God

I apparently have some God lessons to learn yet again about trusting the process, letting go, keeping my head where my feet are, and all that fun stuff. God keeps telling me to let go. When I don't, I get gentle, and then not so gentle reminders. There's some major ambiguity in my work situation. I think things are going to turn out the way I want them to. I KNOW (even if my body doesn't) that I'll be ok no matter what and that things will work out the way they're supposed to. I've done the footwork I can do. I'm having a really hard time turning off my brain and going to bed. Guess God and I need to have another conversation. Gnite.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Money Money Money Money!

I've been struggling with how to set boundaries around finances for years. My partner is always wanting something, and I'm always feeling like I have to guard the gates. Fear of economic insecurity has clearly not left me and I have huge anxiety around having what I need in my old age. My tendency is to NOT buy a soda because I'd rather save the money. My partner, meanwhile, would buy starbucks 3 times a day, so my denying myself is not helping me reach a place of financial security. She's constantly wanting something and I'm constantly in the parent role. It's not healthy for either of us.

I was provided with a substantially higher level of education than she was, so I have the ability to make a substantially higher income. She's not very intrinsically motivated to make money, and why should she be. There's been no response cost if she chooses to take a day off of work without pay because she's used up all her time, or if she doesn't seek employment at all, other than my nagging. Again, not healthy for either of us.

I've really struggled with the ideaa of separating finances. First of all, it's scary to see it as a way of moving towards separation, which is NOT what I want. Secondly, I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to do it fairly.

All of a sudden,last week, a solution came to me. I would LOVE feedback before we implement it. We can leave our savings exactly as they are, as ours. Since neither of us is looking to break up, there's no reason to mess with that. We can also keep our joint checking account for bills and shared expenses. From here on out, my idea is that we each contribute to the joint accounts proportionally, based on our income of the time. We also each open individual accounts, also with proportional income. I can save to my heart's content with that account, or plan big trips, which is what I'd love to do. She can do Starbucks every day or buy herself a pony or fulfill whatever whim she has at any moment, IF she has the money to pay for it. I can stop being the parent and deciding what she can and cannot buy. She can make her own choices about working and spending without having to get approval from me.

I'm really loving this plan. I think it's generous, since I'm paying about 3/4 of expenses, but reasonable. She's not too excited. She keeps saying that she's going to be so poor.

I'd love to hear experience, strength and hope on finances. Any practical suggestions about how to make the plan work would be most appreciated.