PLEASE SEE ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a huge blow-out tantrum last week. I felt like I'd been asking and asking and asking and asking to be seen, validated, and empathized with. But my partner was too absorbed in her own stuff, and she couldn't see me. Finally, last Wednesday, I had a complete melt-down where I was a sobbing mess, begging her to see me.

I get that her stuff really isn't about me. But it does affect me. And I was completely done being invisible.

The scary hard thing is how effective tantrumming is. I don't like it. It feels way out of control and scary. But I have to admit that it is the one thing that gets attention when I'm feeling invisible. I see why 2 year olds use it.

Tonight, I did some work in therapy around it. We identified some of my really old family of origin wounds that created this overwhelming need in me to be seen. My therapist told me about some work she'd done around the same issue where she took pictures of herself as a kid and really saw that little girl and nurtured her. She reminded me that the only person who can really abandon me today is me. She helped me to really see my own little person and to nurture her.

I came home and told my partner about the work I did. I told her that I was working through feelings around last Wednesday. Her response: "Refresh my memory." ARGH!!!