OK, God.

OK, God,

Apparently you really want me to speak at a 12 step recovery program. The last time I was asked, my character defects got in the way. I said that I had already committed to another recovery program. What I didn't say was that I hadn't committed to actually do any service at that program, just to attend.

So, I got asked again. I'm supposed to speak about the principles behind the first three steps: honesty, hope, and faith.

Well, to be honest, God, my character defects of low self esteem and perfectionism almost got in the way again. But this time, I had hope that I could actually do this. And as I'm continuing on my 12 step journey, that hope has blossomed into faith. Today, I have faith that if I follow your will and do this thing rather than my will and avoid it, you'll help me choose my words so that I might be an instrument of attraction.

So, Help me, God. Remind me that it's ok to do this thing perfectly imperfectly. Help me to turn fear to faith. Help the words that we choose together to reach somebody who hasn't yet found the courage to start on this journey to start taking that first step. Help me to share at least some of the wonderful gifts that you've given me as I've journeyed through these steps again and again and again.

Thanks, God!

Taking Care of Ourselves

My partner led her meeting last night. Who'da thunk? She said that the topic was honesty, particularly honesty in relationships, and she shared how she'd always thought of herself as an honest person. She said that if someone asks her a direct question, she'll always tell the truth, even if it gets her in trouble. She said that she even thought she was being honest during active addiction because I never asked if she was using so she didn't lie to me. She talked about coming to understand that she has developed a habit of not sharing the whole truth, and she's willing to work on that. These are things she's shared with me recently. It was really cool to hear that she took such a leadership role in her meeting and that she's affirming her plan to work on this issue by sharing it with more than just me. She seems to be in a really good place right now.

Meanwhile, Scout seems to have cyber-shared her germs with me. Thanks, Scout! I actually stayed home and took care of myself today. It's weird how much of a struggle it is for me to let myself take a sick day. But, for today, I'm practicing self-care. Think I'll go make myself some Matzah Ball Soup.