Heard from my therapist

"Try not to take it personally. Remember that she isn't doing this on purpose. Ideally, it should be the two of you against the problem, not her and the problem against you." I did hear these words from my therapist today. But it wasn't my individual or couples therapist talking to me. It was my physical therapist talking to my partner! I have adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder) and he was teaching my partner how to help me with my therapy.

He also had words of wisdom for me. Let Go. Don't try to force change. Let me take control, don't try to be in control of the movement. Trust me."

Frozen Shoulder. Thanks, God!

Kidney Stone

Apparently, I've been jealous of the collection of hospital bracelets everyone in my household has been getting in the last month, so last night I decided to get one of my own. During my Naranon meeting, I was having a weird pain in my lower back that was so intense at times that it was making me vomit. I ended up having a friend bring me to the hospital, where I was diagnosed with a 6 mm kidney stone. They say that that is really large, and it's unlikely that I'll be able to pass it on my own. To make things even more fun, I'm allergic to sulfa drugs, which means I can't take the medicine that would help my urinary tract. Sigh.

I'm proud of myself for speaking up and not suffering in silence, and for going straight to the hospital. (Of course, my original plan was to wait out the meeting and then go home if I was feeling ok.) But I did ask for and accept help.

I'm grateful that my partner is in a good place. She was really present and supportive. I'm a bit nervous about having narcotics in my house, but I'm trying to turn that over. As my sponsor says, if she ends up relapsing, I can trust that God has plans for more research for her.

AFGO- Pain

I've been working on Step 1, and we had these questions about pain. Here's what I said Saturday when asked what areas of my life are causing me sadness:

"Right now, I'm not experiencing sadness. My disease tends to be one of extremes. Things at work and at home are going well at the moment, and I'm really not sure what to do with myself. When my addict's issues are bouncing up against mine and there's nothing I can do to "make" her do things differently, I have great sadness. I have learned, through much pain, that I really can't control her. So, when she's acting out in ways that affect me, my only choices are to live with it or to make changes that can feel extremely uncomfortable, and in those times of deciding what I'm going to do, I experience great sadness."

Then there was the question that said that pain is a signal to act out my addiction, obsession or compulsion and asked what pain is my loudest signal. I said:

"My loudest signal is perceived abandonment. When my partner withdraws to the bed or refuses to work through an issue with me, it triggers me to act out my own addiction, obsession, and compulsion."

So, what happens? My partner has physical pain, she withdraws from me, and I start acting out in my disease. AFGO!