My truth about lying

So, I've been working on my fourth step, and came up with a surprisingly ugly truth. One thing I really have always prided myself on is my integrity. I consider myself to be a very trustworthy person. And trust has been my biggest button as I have been going through my recovery journey. It has been agonizing for me to work through not being able to trust my wife. But, I started working on this particular workseet, and what comes up strongest for me as a character defect is dishonesty! How's that for humbling???? Here's the checklist I was using. The rest of it can be found at http://www.royy.com/step4.rtf for anyone who's interested in using the tool.

Step Four Resentments Checklist Column 4
“Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our
own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened?”


SELFISH

· Not seeing others point of view, problems or needs
· Wanting things my way
· Wanting special treatment
· Wanting others to meet my needs–dependence
· Wanting what others have
· Wanting to control–dominance
· Thinking I'm better–grandiosity
· Wanting to be the best
· Thinking others are jealous
· Wanting others to be like me
· Being miserly, possessive
· Wanting more than my share
· Reacting from self loathing, self righteousness
· Too concerned about me
· Not trying to be a friend
· Wanting to look good or be liked
· Concerned only with my needs


DISHONEST

· Not seeing or admitting where I was at fault
· Having a superior attitude–thinking I'm better
· Blaming others for my problems
· Not admitting I've done the same thing
· Not expressing feelings or ideas
· Not being clear about motives
· Lying, cheating, stealing
· Hiding reality–not facing facts
· Stubbornly holding on to inaccurate beliefs
· Breaking rules
· Lying to myself
· Exaggerating, minimalizing
· Setting myself up to be “wronged”
· Expecting others to be what they are not
· Being perfectionistic

SELF SEEKING

· Manipulating others to do my will
· Putting others down internally or externally to build me up
· Engaging in character assassination
· Acting superior
· Acting to fill a void
· Engaging in gluttony or lusting at the expense of another person
· Ignoring others’ needs
· Trying to control others
· Getting revenge when I don't get what I want
· Holding a resentment
· Acting to make me feel good

FRIGHTENED (OF)

· Peoples' opinions
· Rejection, abandonment
· Loneliness
· Physical injury, abuse
· Not being able to control or change someone
· My inferiority, inadequacy
· Criticism
· Expressing ideas or feelings
· Getting trapped
· Exposure, embarrassment

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*Thanks to Anonymous in New England.