Gratitude: or It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn

So, ever since I wrote that last post, things have been soooooooo much better. My partner has been so present and so wise lately. Before I talked to her about what the issues actually were, I told her that I felt like I was getting these confusing signs that I didn't know how to read. She said that it just meant I didn't have an answer, YET. Then, when I told her that one of the things I was struggling with was that this 12 tradition stuff really seemed so higher powered, she reminded me of a friend who thought God had given her an answer when it really was just something SHE really wanted.

We worked through some really big stuff together. We agreed that we both want to foster, but that there are some things we need to do first, including working on our communication. She also suggested a safety plan- coming up in advance with things that might trigger us and plan for how to deal with them. It's a GREAT idea, and it's hers. Yay!!!!

As for the communication piece, I decided that it didn't so much matter HOW we work on it as much as THAT we work on it. I relaxed some on the tradition work. I figured out some other ways that it might be higher powered. Like the idea that I could share them with others in recovery even if we're not using them right now. As soon as I relaxed on the subject, she decided she was in. Funny how that works. Funny that I can never remember when I'm feeling desperate that desperate never works for me. Letting go always does. I know this. You'd think I'd be better by now at applying it. Oh well, progress, not perfecttion, right?

Meanwhile, other things in the relationship have been awesome. We both offered each other restoration gifts. Hers to me was a pedicure. It was a wonderful thing. When she was done, she told me to just enjoy the feeling and reminded me that I didn't have to do anything to earn that, I get it just because I'm me. That was even better than the pedicure. Then, she took me out on a date to see a chick flick. And she's just been soooo present in the relationship.

This weekend, I've been truly blessed. I don't know if it's because I finally let go and was in a better place, because she worked through some stuff at work and is feeling less stressed, because she just had a medication change and the meds are working, or the whole thing's random or higher powered. I don't know. But I know I'm appreciating where I am and where we are today.