So I went to write today and realized that the last time I wrote I was struggling with the same exact issue that I'm struggling with today. Today, my partner was again too sick to go to work but not too sick to go to therapy. But today, we both handled it better. I owned my feelings with her and then let them go. And she came home tonight and apologized to me. She told me that she did have a stomachache this morning but that she wasn't too sick to go to work. She also acknowledged that she'd lied to me last night when she told me she had rememembered a promise she'd made to me. Her therapist had worked through a relapse symptoms list with her, and she asked me to fill it out too. She owned her shit. She said that she's not using, but that she's just hanging on. And then she talked to me about the effects that she imagined her behaviors were having on me. She told me that she imagined I was feeling unimportant and unloved. All of this came without prompting from me. Then she took herself to a meeting.
It helps when she comes to me in honesty. It helps that she's writing her own relapse prevention plan. It helps that she took herself to a meeting. It helps that she's acknowledging the effects of her behavior on me.
Here's the scary of today. Part of her plan includes whether she's willing to go to treatment if she does end up relapsing. She has told me that she's jealous of people who got to go to inpatient treatment. For her, it's not a deterrent, it's an attraction. I've already got dollar signs and being left home with all the responsibilities in my head. Am I projecting? Yep. Is it realistic? Prolly. Is there anything I can do? Nope.
Anyway, that's where I am today.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
It's so important to be able to trust the people in your life to take care of themselves -- and I love when they show they can do it.
Speaking of rehab fantasies -- I want to go to codie rehab! Let's make macaroni necklaces together!
So many people who come in without going through treatment have some kinda odd ideas of what rehab really is. They seem to have some kind of fantasy of laying down for 30 days while someone takes care of you and listens and loves you back to health.
I'm here to tell (her)that rehab aint nothing like that -- not even the hoity toity ones. Been there, too.
As a former counselor I would tell her to stop dreaming and make a realistic plan. She doesnt NEED rehab just because she relapses. Rehab is for those who cannot stay clean on a day to day basis on the outside. She has proven that she CAN, even if she falls. But the number one thing I would tell her is USING IS NOT AN OPTION ANYMORE! Relapse is a luxury for those who think they can make it back -- and most dont frankly.
Her efforts at honesty are wonderful. She gave nme some hope reading this today. G-d knows I am in need of all I can get right now.
She loves you. You love her. Its a sweet thing. Just love each other.
BTW, realistic relapse prevention plan= get rid of yer damn reservations bout staying clean yo!
Hey, it's the first time I've been here in a bit, but I want to say two things:
First, I am so in if you guys go to codie rehab. I can't wait until we're doing the macaroni necklace thing!
Second, isn't it funny how the fantasy of rehab (lying around being loved and cared for unconditionally)seems so appealing to people who reject JUST THAT SAME TREATMENT at home?
Weirdos.
Howz my girls?
Post a Comment