One of my tasks for the Artist's Way has been to go on an Artist's Date once a week. It doesn't really matter what I do, but I only take me. Wednesday, I was having a particularly hard day, and I decided to take me to the Hallmark store, and buy myself my own hallmark card.
Part of the backstory is that A had shared a story about stomping on somebody's boundaries in a group she was participating in, literally, by stomping on something the other person had made with clay. She decided to make amends by making a similar item out of clay and by buying her a hallmark card as an apology. She took me with her to pick out the hallmark card. Meanwhile, she'd been trouncing all over my boundaries, too, and I expressed to somebody else that I want a fucking hallmark card. Of course, I didn't tell A that she'd trounced my boundaries, let alone that I'd have appreciated getting my own card.
Anyway, fast forward to Wednesday, when my boundaries had been repeatedly trounced, which had resulted in my screaming, and I still wasn't getting my needs met. I decided to go to the Hallmark store and pick out a card from me to me. Here's what it said:
I have a right to be accepted just as I am. I have a right to be heard, because I matter. I have a right to be respected, because I deserve it. I have a right to be loved...... And you are.
And here's what I wrote inside:
Dear me,
You do have a right to be accepted. And I accept all of you and your perfectly imperfect self. You do have a right to be heard. And I will listen to you. And I will hear you. And I will give you a voice, even when it's hard. Because you DO MATTER!! You do have a right to be respected. And I will respect you. And I will stand up for you. And I will stop accepting unacceptable behavior. Because I do deserve more. I have a right to be loved. And Iam. And I'll do a better job of loving me. I'm really, really good at unconditional love, except where you're concerned. So I'm truly sorry for not taking good care of you. And I intend to amend that behavior. I love you, (insert name here), forever. NO MATTER WHAT!!! Love, me.
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6 comments:
You do deserve unconditional love, and I hope you can find it for yourself.
A few years ago our rabbi had us write a letter forgiving ourselves as an exercise during Elul. It was one of the most powerful - and most challenging - things I've ever done. Just turning the empathic statements I use with patients toward myself was amazing.
That's a lovely card and note to yourself, R. Good for you! (And here's my beating-myself-up codie statement for the day: Argh, I suck at comments -- look at Jay in there all doing it right.)
I think step 9 was actually kind of fun. I'm glad you got your fucking Hallmark card.
What a great idea--and you really first-classed yourself by getting a HALLMARK card, not a cut-rate one!
I love this idea. This post has really inspired me. Without going into all the details I'll just tell you that I couldn't have found this post at a more needed time.
Thank you
that card is awesome! and you deserve everything it said :)
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