Codies vs. Addicts

I've joined a new community, The Junky's Wives Club. There seems to be a thread within a thread in "How do you get better" that I'm really drawn to. I'm obsessing (of course) about the label b/c it looks like an antagonistic us vs. them when I mean it in the compare/contrast kind of way. I mentioned in the other thread that I see my primary addiction as to my addict. And that just like my addict does, I start out engaging in the behavior of my drug of choice (being enmeshed) because it makes me feel good. But then, it takes more and more to give me the high until I no longer get the high, I just have to engage in the behavior.

For me, the flip side is way more complicated. I've been noticing over the last week that the addicts in my community tend to open and close with the "we version" of the serenity prayer- God grant US the serenity... In our naranon circle, we use what the addicts refer to as the "me" version. I do think that both versions are appropriate for the groups that are using them. I think that part of getting healthy for me is learning to focus more on me, figuring out who I am and what I want. I use my addictive behavior to avoid me. My partner tends to isolate in her disease. When she's in her disease, she'd much rather be alone with her pill bottle than interacting with anyone, including me. She gets extremely self absorbed and she can't even see me.

On the surface, it seems that she get's self absorbed in her disease and I get selfless. I've often said that we got waaaay out of balance, and for us to get better, I need to focus more on me and SHE needs to focus more on me. But here's where it gets complicated. My selfless behavior really is SELF LESS. It's not generous and loving. It's disappearing. The more I think about it, our behavior here isn't that different at all. Both of us lose ourselves in our drugs of choice. And as we get healthier, both of us become more available, both to ourselves and each other.