Codiexplosions

I've been codiexploding all over the place in the past few days.

Saturday, my kid had surgery, which led me to a series of people pleasing behaviors that backfired and ended up hurting all involved. In the meantime, I didn't fill his prescription, hoping that he wouldn't need it and I wouldn't have to deal with narcotics in the house. He did well all day, but by evening, he was hurting. I went out and filled the scrip, but he had unneccessary time in pain because of MY fear. And I spent the night feeling guilty, both for the consequences of my people pleasing and for the kid's extra time hurting.

Last night at dinner, my kid and my partner were acting strange, and I jokingly (sorta) asked her if she'd gotten into the kid's stash. Then, a few hours later, I miscounted the pills and was sure that she had. I figured it out, but was left with all these feelings. Then, when I told my partner about them, she wasn't as compassionate as I wanted her to be about MY disease rearing its ugly head. Duh! I'd just told her I'd been accusing her in my head of something she didn't do. And meanwhile, I'm sure the narcotics in the house are doing a number on HER addict. She turned her entire body away from me and I dissolved into tears in an abandonment codiexplosion.

This afternoon, she agreed to let a friend of one of the kids come over for dinner and said she'd make ribs. Then, she promptly fell asleep and couldn't be aroused for hours. (For those of you loyal readers, her sleeping for extended periods is a major trigger for me.) We've been playing tug-of-war with the dinner bucket of shit. As far as I know, she's finally ordered pizza.

I think Mantra's Pissy Pants has invaded my house.