I'm REALLY encouraged to see you starting to USE tools and suggestions. Thank you soooo much for sharing your stepwork with me and for letting me know about the suggestions you're hearing that make sense to you, like the hurricane box and wall sits. I know how hard this has been for you. It's been really scary for me to sit on the sidelines while you've been so stuck. I don't want to lose you to any manifestation of the disease of addiction, and you were right, we got waaay to close to losing each other this time. I really do wish I could do the work for you, but I know that my attempts to do so keep both of us sick. It reminds me of the poem I wrote for a kid who's dear to my heart years ago. I'm modifying the last line, for you:
I wish that you had never felt the trauma.
I wish you'd never have to feel the pain.
If I could, you know I'd feel your feelings for you.
Protect you from reliving it again.
I wish that I could take away the hurting.
Or lead you to the rainbow without rain.
I'd hide the memories from you just to help you.
But we both know that it would be in vain.
But I know that you're stronger now, and ready
To face the feelings till the hurt does end.
And I'll be there beside you when you need me
Not only as your lover, but your friend.