Here's the game we play at my house over my partner's recurring sinus headaches.
She whines that her head hurts. I suggest calling the doctor. She chooses not to and continues to whine. I try ignoring, since she's not interested in my suggestion. She keeps whining. This part can continue for days.
In the next phase, she agrees to get help, but not the help I think she should get. She's gone to a doc in the box and to our former doctor, but NOT to the doc that we agreed on.
We've gone through two doctors together. The first was her pusher,the doctor who got her hooked on narcotics and patted me on the head when I brought the issue to him. The second accidentally gave her something with a narcotic in it and said that she didn't think there was enough narcotic in it to harm her, which led my partner to a relapse. We agreed (or so I thought) to go to an internist who is also an addict. He is an internist and also specializes in addiction.
But, every time she goes to the doctor, she chooses NOT to go to him or to his practice, which leads to my codiexplosions. The last time, we talked it through. She thought it didn't matter that she went back to the old practice, since our doc wasn't available on Mondays anyway. I said that since this is an ongoing issue, if she goes to our doc's practice, he has access to the records. I thought she got it and that she agreed, but apparently she just heard "blah blah blah" and agreed to shut me up, because, today, it's right back to the same old same old.
I'm trying to figure out why this is so huge for me. I want to figure out what my part is, and I want to let go of what's not mine. This hysteria is so not working for me. She's going to do what she's going to do. I have no control over her choices. What she's doing doesn't seem to be working for her, but what I'm doing doesn't seem to be working for me either. And hell, I guess the truth is that either we're both insane or what we're both doing IS working, cuz we're both still doing it. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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3 comments:
Its hard when we know the simple steps to fix xomething and we want to help, yet the person is not ready for actual help just yet. I have felt as if my husband was torturing me with his moaning and complaining - yet he refussed to go to the dentis. Not because we had no coverage but because he was not ready for it.
I did finally ask him to keep it to himself - his pain and complaints if he was not going to take care of himself. That I loved him and seeing him in pain, hurt me when he would not take care of himself...
I do hope you both figure out a way to work it out - it can be a sticking point - or was for me and mine.
((hugs)) Cat said it perfectly.
On some level the person your trying to help has to see want it. If it wasn't this doctor it would be another. In the end all you can seriously do is, trust her to make her own choices...no matter how, right or wrong they may be. All you can do is love her. Perhaps tell her you trust her to make the right choice. If your not butting heads with her she might actually listen. Your in my thoughts dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo
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