Will- Power

I'm working step 2 online with my compulsive overeater group at TJWC. Here are a few of my realizations:

I'm realizing this time around how much I blame my partner for behaviors that I do as well. I get frustrated with her for not speaking her truth to me, but I realize that I'm doing the same thing. I am afraid, and I stuff my feelings rather than owning them and speaking them. I also blame her for the isolating we do as a couple. I want her to go to social things with me, in part because I'm fearful of going alone. I want her to change so that I can feel better, and I know that that's insane.

I'm also seeing more clearly today how I've really been clinging to my compulsive overeating. I've been working the steps, hard, when it comes to codependency. I'm a whole lot better in that area, though obviously not cured. (See above paragraph.) But, I continue to do the same things expecting different results when it comes to compulsive overeating, and that IS insane.

It's interesting how as I work the steps again and again I find different stumbling blocks. Before, I've really struggled with the God steps, because I didn't really believe in a God who would have a personal relationship with me. Today, I have an ever deepening relationship with my higher power and I KNOW that he can and does restore me to sanity when I let him.

But I've been actively keeping my higher power out of this area of my life, because I haven't been ready to let go of MY WILL. I'm sticking my fingers in my ears and singing "La La La" rather than being WILLing to look at God's WILL for my life and asking for the POWER to carry that out. All of a sudden, I'm looking at those critical words from step 11- WILL and POWER. My willpower certainly doesn't work in the area of food. But, if I ask for God's WILL for me and the POWER to carry that out, I know that it will work for me. Today, I feel like I'm moving more towards being ready.