I'm working Step 7, and one thing that tripped me up for a minute is my lack of understanding of God. In step 2, I was able to come to believe in a power greater than myself. I believe in the power of the 12 step program. I see it work and I know it works for me. I believe in the power of the people in the program reaching out and supporting each other. I believe in the power of belief, regardless of what the particular belief is. I believe that believing in whatever an individual believes in makes the individual better and stronger. In step 3, I did an exercize that really worked for me. I listed the people in my life over the years and the gifts that each one gave to me. Then I wrote a list of all of those gifts, and and did a meditation on all of these gifts as a kaleidoscope of gifts all coming from my higher power. I've done that exercize twice now over the years when working the steps, and it works for me. I even did a dialogue with the God of my lack of understanding, and while I can't say I understood, I know good things came of it. In step 5, I admitted to the God of my lack of understanding the exact nature of my wrongs. Again, I used the exercize of the workbook I'm using. I said it out loud. Then I looked in the mirror and said it out loud again to myself. Step 6 took a while, but I became entirely ready to have my character defects removed. I can't say I'm understanding God any better, but I trust the process.
I don't believe that everything is preordained. I don't believe that God makes every decision. I don't believe that God chooses evil and that there's some purpose for everything, that terrible things happen in order for some good to come. I DO believe that everything, even the terrible stuff that does happen, can lead to growth and that good things can come. I don't believe that if I pray right, then I'll get right answers. I do believe that whatever comes can be to my highest good. I can and do see gifts when I look for them. I got an amazing spiritual gift of another recovery tool yesterday when I really needed it.
All of that makes that prayer thing confusing for me. But yet again, I'm acting as if. Last night, and again this morning in the shower, I prayed, out loud, for God to remove all of my defects of character. I listed each one I know of, and I asked for help identifying those I haven't figured out yet. I guess, yet again, I'm coming to believe that I don't have to understand.
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There's a kabbalist story about God that I just love. In the beginning, there was God and there was the schechinah. God made a clay vessel to contain the schechinah, and it broke, shattering the divine spirit into innumerable pieces. In that instant, God created the world and all human beings, so that each of us could hold one of those pieces of schechinah.
The God of my understanding is that bit of divine light inside each person. When I can glimpse that light in another, that is a moment of transcendence. For me, step 7 is about finding ways to act on the light within myself; defects of character are those beliefs and actions that block me in that quest.
I love that -- the God of my lack of understanding! Jay has made me come to believe that the God of her understanding is also the God of my understanding. I love that kabbalist story and am going to blog about it when I get around to blogging about God.
I really think that what Jay explained is a really great way to look at life.
It's like our job while on earth is to keep that light shining in ourselves and one of the ways to do that is to notice it shining in others.
It's not an easy job as we have all come to realize right? But if we accept this as our job, it will give us a great sense of purpose while we're here.
I like not understanding all that. It helps me understand it.
...and that's all I have to say about that.
Have a good day R
As Jay said: "For me, step 7 is about finding ways to act on the light within myself; defects of character are those beliefs and actions that block me in that quest."
We are re-affirming our 3rd Step commitment and also asking G-d to remove the things that block us off from the light of the spirit. And you did that in the shower one day -- we do it often, daily even, until living a spiritual life becomes more of who we are and less of a task to be that way. In other words, we will be granted a lot of freedom from these things if we stop doing them and let G-d remove the need to do them, but as human beings, we will always be subject to human trappings.
Keep praying your 7th Step prayer and move on in your step work to step 8. More will be revealed -- we are promised that.
I adore you!
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