Signs, Signs Everywhere, but they don't seem to be in my language

I keep getting what feel like signs from my HP. I have been trying to connect more, lately, and I am trying to get out of the way and do what is my HP's will. But I can't tell what's my will and what's God's, and I can interpret all of these signs both ways.

First, there's this 12 Traditions in Relationships thing that Scout recently shared with me. It was right at a time when I was struggling with my therapist telling me to decide what are my non-negotiables in my relationship and I was looking for a 3rd option between doormat and get-the-hell-out. It really felt higher powered, a way we can work through conflict TOGETHER. Maybe it's coming. Maybe I'm just being impatient. Or maybe it's not coming and I'm being told that there IS no door #3.

Meanwhile,I keep bumping into the dilemma of whether we can foster parent together. Opportunities keep coming up, and it's killing me, b/c it's what I want more than anything, but I KNOW that we're not ready today, and I'm scared that we won't ever be ready. My therapist and I agreed yesterday that I'd talk to my partner about setting a time limit where we won't even consider taking any placements. It's just too hard for me right now. It's like I get tantalized and crushed every time the issue comes up. I'm the one that keeps saying we're not ready. I know that I can do it and do it well. I also know that WE can't. At least not today. I don't think it would be healthy for her, for us, or for a kid right now. My therapist thinks that because of my partner's history, she might never be in a place where it will be ok. That's really scary to me.

And I keep bumping into all these signs. Today, a colleague came to visit me at work. The last time we'd really talked, she was in the process of doing a foreign adoption. I asked her about it today, and she told me she stopped the process. She said that she was about to get a child, and she got into a relationship with a man who had kids and didn't want more. She said that her partner, who is NOW her husband, finally agreed that he was willing. Then she had to search her heart, and she decided that she wasn't sure she was going in with pure intention, so she backed out. She said that she was afraid, and that she sometimes wonders if when her time comes, she'll be confronted with the choices she didn't make out of fear and her missed opportunities. I could interpret this for me in two completely different ways.

Then, when I got home this afternoon, there was a message from the biological mother of 2 of my former foster kids. She had lost touch with both of them and was asking me for contact information.

Then, in my super secret society, someone left this message about not having kids of her own and stealing other people's kids. I just feel like I keep bumping up against this issue,. It's like I keep seeing the signs, but I can't read the language.