knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out

The last few days, my partner and I have been struggling with a decision regarding a child who is very important to me and who has been a big challenge for her. The child was pivotal in our addiction story, and came close to causing the end of our relationship. She's also what brought us into therapy and resulted in huge positive changes in our relationship. Today, we have the opportunity for a do-over. My will is clearly that we take that opportunity. My partner has been all over the map with the decision. She's scared, which certainly makes sense. I've been trying really hard to turn it over to God.

Yesterday, the second day of Rosh Hashanah, was emotional for me in all kinds of ways. During the priestly blessing, parents who were with their children put their hands on their children's heads and blessed them. Those of us whose children weren't with us were told to send the blessing out to them. My parents were there giving me their blessing, and I was sending mine out to this child of my heart.

Later, during the last sounding of the Shofar, the leader of that part of the service suggested that we think about 3 things during the sounding. The first thing he said to think of was the sound of Sarah when she thought she had lost Isaac and to hear the sound of mourning. The second was that the shofar is a call to worship and a call to awaken spiritually. The third thing he suggested was that the shofar is to be sounded at the coming of the messiah, so to hear the shofar sounds as sounds of hope. So here I was, trying to turn this child over to God, and being told to hear the sound of a mother mourning her child, but also the awakening of the spirit, and the sound of hope. It kind of summarized where I've been these last few days- opening up this wound and opening myself up to the possibility of mourning yet again, but also connecting to God and to hope.