Not My Will

I've had quite the roller coaster of a week. First, my partner and I had to make a decision. Once we came together, the kid in question, and the folks who are supposed to protect her, fell apart. The decision was put to me during Rosh Hashanah, and I really worked on giving it to God right from the start. I'm not sorry I opened up my heart again, though the outcome is clearly not what I wanted, at least for today. I've been riding the roller coaster of my feelings as the decision keeps being for sure one way and then for sure the other. Now we're back in limboland again. We've been asked to keep the option open for this child of my heart while she's thrown to the wolves. My sponsor once told me that if my partner decided to relapse that maybe she had some more research to do and that I needed to trust my higher power and hers. It appears that's where I am again, only it's this child that apparently has more research to do. God, please take care of her. God, please take care of me. Amen.