Plotting with Mr. Junky

I think my partner must be hanging out and plotting with JW's husband, Mr. Junky. Yesterday, she got all addicty when I confronted her about a particular behavior. She darted and weaved and I ended up apologizing all over myself for a behavior that I had owned and cleaned up when it happened weeks ago. Meanwhile, she was sulky and pouty and at the same time smirky over her current behavior that was clearly wrong. Then, she turned herself off and went to sleep.

You know, it amazes me that she can do that. For her, withdrawing to the bed and literally pulling the covers over her head is a coping mechanism that she's remarkably good at. Typically, her withdrawal to the bed activates my anxiety, and I have an even harder time going to sleep. So, when we're in a stuck place, she ends up oversleeping, and I end up undersleeping. Fun times.

I did pull out my maladaptive tool of projecting. I planned a miserable day for us for today with her being all withdrawn and me figuring out how to survive the day. I also predicted that she'd spend the day in bed and not follow through on a committment we'd made together for this day. I plotted how her poor choice was going to grow and impact our family all the way out to a grand finale that I'm particularly worrying about. More fun times.

But I also called a friend, who told me that my partner probably knows what she did wrong and reminded me that I can't make her feel more badly about herself than she already does. She suggested that I do nothing and do my best to enjoy this day. She said to use it as an experiment and see what happens.

And guess what? My partner must have consulted Mr. Junky again last night while she was sleeping. Because this morning, I got my own bread from the hardware store. My partner called me over to her, looked into my eyes, apologized for what she did, owned what she should have done differently, and then cuddled with me. All's right with the world.