Tonight begins the Jewish New Year. Tomorrow and Friday, I'll be going to services alone. My partner and I had a silly fight last night. Silly, because she was supporting me in a way, but not in the way that I wanted to be supported. I've been putting off sending in my dues, as I do every year. I feel guilty and torn. My religion and the Jewish Community are really important to me. But I chose to become a member of a family where I am the only Jew. We talked about sharing traditions with each other, and we have, to some extent. We do family celebrations at home. We've had Passover Seders at our house, we light Chanukah candles, and we've even gotten pretty good about lighting candles and doing Shabbat prayers on Friday nights. But my partner does not like my Jewish Community. She says they're not welcoming of her. And her kids really don't consider themselves part of my family. When we have foster kids, they usually will attend services with me. But this year, we have no kids. And the High Holidays are a hard time to be alone. I wish things were different. They're not. I guess it's an opportunity to practice acceptance. My sponsor tells me that acceptance doesn't mean I like things the way they are, but that I acknowlege. And I have to acknowledge that as my partner has isolated herself, I have isolated with her. I've stopped asking her to go to functions with me, and I haven't gone on my own. I wish that I were sharing this really important part of me with this really important part of me. But it's one of those things that I cannot change.
Meanwhile I avoided the issue of dues until last night. When I brought it up, she said that "logically" it didn't make sense to pay that much, because we don't particpate enough to be worth that amount of money. While that's true, it's not the way I want things to be. I can't make her choose to participate, but I can choose to participate with or without her. So, tomorrow, I'll go to services alone. And this year, my intention is to participate in my community, with or without my partner.
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4 comments:
And that's a great intention...a bold, smart, independent plan.
Happy New Year. Enjoy services tomorrow for what they bring to you.
L'shanah tovah tikatevi v'taihatemi.
I feel you. I get it. And I like the plan in all of its sadness.
Peace,
Scout
I'm a lot late coming to this, but I really appreciate your dilemma. As a past president of a congregation, I could have a lot to say about the connection between participation and dues...but to be stuck between a partner you love and a community you need is really hard.
I hope services brought you some peace, and comfort, and that the community is worthy of you.
l'shalom,
Jay
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