More Will Be Revealed

Thanks, Scout, for looking out for both me and my partner! I agreed to hold the pills for her, and she decided how much and when to get them. I did my best to stay on my side of the street. She did her best to be open with me about what she was feeling, and to use the medication to alleviate pain but not to get high. I'm really proud of both of us.

We travelled this weekend. That involved trying to find meetings on the road, since she's doing 90 in 90. We tried to hit meetings on the road on the way to and from our destination, but didn't connect with either one. We did find a couple of meetings and attended them together while we were at our destination. On Monday, when the last meeting we tried to find on the road didn't exist, we decided to have our own meeting in the van on the way home. It was a powerful experience.

It's funny. When I first suggested that we could have our own meeting, she said that we'd been having one for hours in the car. It's true that we had been reading and sharing before our official meeting. I had asked her to read to me from her Step Study book to help me prepare to lead last night's Naranon meeting on the 9th step. Then, she wanted to work on her 2nd step, and read the text to me, and then wrote her own answers to the questions privately. I was especially proud of me when she asked for input on one of her questions. She asked me to give her some examples of her behavior, and I instead gave her examples of my own behavior instead of taking her inventory. Yay me!!

Anyway, I told her that we had been sharing about the program, but that if we wanted to do our own meeting, I'd rather follow the suggested format- do the readings and not cross talk. We read the opening literature for both of our meetings, and then read and shared on "more will be revealed" in the NA literature. She did all the reading since I was driving, but we took turns sharing. It was really powerful, I think for both of us.

One thing I came to realize as we were sharing about "more will be revealed" is that more was being revealed for both of us as we moved along in our recovery journey, and interestingly, a lot of it has been around tooth pain. When she first told me about her addiction, the thought of having any kind of narcotics in the house really frightened me. Early in recovery, I shared in my meeting that I had pain and a prescription, but that I hadn't filled it because I was afraid of having the stuff in the house. My naranon friends encouraged me to take care of me and to fill the scrip. I did, but didn't tell her. Weeks later, I was struggling with MY dishonesty of hiding the medicine in the house and obsessing about her having found it and used it. So, we processed through it together and came up with a plan we both thought would work. I got a locked container and put the meds in it. Weeks after that, in a really courageous and honest share, she told me that she had been able to open the container and get to the meds. She hadn't taken them, but she was obsessing about them being there, and her having access. We decided to give the bottle to a friend.

Then came my need for a wisdom tooth to be pulled, which meant narcotics AND my not being in a place to be able to monitor them myself. We came up with another plan. This time, we gave the pills to a neighbor, and just got what I needed at the time. That worked pretty well. All along, though, I've been terrified (actually I think we both have been) about her having significant pain and being prescribed narcotics.

Well, that time came this weekend, and we got through it together. So, more has been revealed to each of us, as we've worked this program. I could not have imagined, even a couple of weeks ago, us both being ok and her using prescription narcotics as prescribed. But, we got through it. Today, she had her root canal. I'm hoping this part of the journey is over. But, if it's not, and her using the meds prompts another relapse, maybe, just maybe, we'll both still be ok.