Hi, I'm R, and I'm a Lesbian

I talked about this in therapy yesterday, and then dreamed about it, so I guess it's still a big issue for me.

Last week, we went on vacation with my family. My dad and I went for a walk, and he asked me if I thought that the couples in our family were happy. When I didn't jump in with a yes, he said it wasn't a trick question. He said that he thinks he and my mom, my sister and her husband, and my brother and his wife are pretty happy and that A and I are too. But he said that the rest of them are not as physically demonstrative in public as we are, and he wondered if we were trying to prove a point.

I told him that we didn't realize it had been an issue for him in years, so no, we weren't trying to prove a point. I told him that we are very physically affectionate, but not in a sexual way.

I pointed out that while we were having this conversation, my dad had his arm draped around me, and I wondered aloud if that felt like an uncomfortable display of public affection. My dad sheepishly replied that he somehow felt that the particular moment felt more private to him, which was interesting, since we were on a very public beach boardwalk with LOTS of tourists meandering about.

I challenged him to consider that what felt different about him draping his arm around my shoulders was that he and I are not two females, and that it's his prejudice that raises his antennae when A and I hold hands or cuddle. I then pointed out all the couples around us that were holding hands or touching in some other way, and challenged him to look again in our family to see if my siblings or even my parents touch more than he realizes and he just doesn't notice. He agreed to look at it, and I did NOT agree to stop being affectionate with A around him.

The conversation left me with mixed feelings, and I keep coming back to them. I'm glad that I did not cowtow to his prejudice. I'm glad that he really seemed to hear me. It makes me sad that I still have to fight this battle, in society and in my own family. Next week is Pride in my community. I'm looking forward to holding hands with my partner and not standing out. I'll continue to do so in the presence of my family of origin, and maybe someday we won't stand out there either. So, dad, no, last week I wasn't trying to prove a point, but the next time we're together in your presence, I will be. And I still love you.