OK

My partner has been having a hard time lately, and I've been having a hard time detaching with love from her hard time.

Last night, she told me that she thought she'd take the day off today. "Ok," I said. "OK? I didn't expect that!!"

Do I feel ok? NO!! I need to acknowledge that, but not necessarily to her. It scares me because as of a week ago, she told me she only had one day off. She took a day off last week, and then missed more than 1/2 a day later in the week to go to the doctor. Math may not be my strong suit, but it "seems" that she doesn't have this day to take. It's also scary b/c frequent absences in the past have been a precurser to even more difficult times in the past. She's in a bad place. That's scary for me.

And the selfish part of me is just hurt that she chose to take 2 1/2 days just before my week's vacation. I told her last week when she was getting ready to use the one day she really did have that needed to be used before the new year that I wished she'd wait and spend the day with me over the holiday. I have to remind myself that this is not about me. She's hurting; she's not rejecting me. Note to self: make plans for ME to spend time with people I care about next week when I'm on vacation alone. Oh well, off to work. Sigh.